Recapping the JMU game is almost as ridiculous as previewing it.  Saying more than we beat the hell of out those cheap-shot artists is really a waste of your time…but that’s why you come here…so we’ll continue.

James Madison defender Demetrius Shambley should be glad Hokie fans don’t have his home address; otherwise, he would have real problems.  It turns out Shambley is one of the dirtiest players in college football.  Late in the first quarter of a game that shouldn’t even count in the BCS standings, Shambley intentionally hit Kevin Jones seven yards out of bounds, knocking him into the cement wall, and injuring both of his wrists.  Shambley was ejected from the game, but he should have been ejected from Division I.  There is no place in college football for a player like Shambley.  He is a dirty piece of cow turd pie, and we hope he is the victim of a freak blimp accident during next week’s JMU-Hofstra game.

Filling in for Jones, Cedric “the Entertainer” Humes ran for 3 touchdowns but also had 2 fumbles (although there is a rumor that the Defense asked Humes to fumble so they could get onto the field and seek revenge).  He is still developing, but we are already huge Humes fans (say that ten times fast).  Cedric will be the next great Hokie running back.  Plus, his name is Cedric!  How cool is that? 

It’s getting silly even discussing how good DeAngelo Hall is.  A couple of big punt returns and an INT for Arsenio.  His offense-defense-special teams scoring trifecta is an inevitability. 

As a team, we started off slow, but came out strong in the second half and put this game out of reach quickly.  Oh, who are we kidding, this game was out of reach during pregame warm-ups.  Of great concern, however, is the continued poor play of our field goal kicking unit.  Warley had an extra point blocked and then tried to throw for the conversion, which we think isn’t even allowed.  Dear field goal protection squad, when JMU blocks your kick, it’s time to take a long, hard look at yourselves.

After much debate, we selected fourth string walk-on QB Lance Goff and Pi Kappa Phi alumnus Mark Dennis as the Hokie Update Co-Players of the Week.  Goff led us on a late 93 yard drive for the key touchdown to make this one a full-on 43-0 ass kicking.  Dennis, faced with a pregame loss of Internet service and no radio coverage in Charlotte, North Carolina, drove to the store, purchased a speaker phone, and then paid approximately $40 for some type of over the telephone broadcast of the game.  That is devotion.

Which brings us to this week’s game.  #8 vs. #20.  Hokies vs. Aggies.  Two schools with agriculture programs, military tradition, and unusual mascots.  Tech and A&M are the only regular admission public universities with active Corps of Cadets, so expect lots of marching.

This is the game you have been waiting for since January.  Stop worrying about the hurricane....it’s time to get your tailgate on.  Worst-case scenario, the game is postponed until Saturday and we tailgate for three days.  Come to think of it, this is an outstanding idea.  Go Isabel!

In Blacksburg, we live for night games against powerful out of conference opponents.  This is another major game for the program, and the opportunity for our team to make a statement about just what kind of team we are.  We must continue to beat quality opponents such as A&M, and it is always fun to play on Thursday night in Blacksburg.  We’re surprised Weaver hasn’t tried to move all the home games to Thursday. 

Can’t say enough about how well A&M fans treated us in College Station.  Be sure to meet some of them, they will quickly become your friends.  For some reason, Jim Weaver thinks we aren’t usually nice to visiting fans.  Jim Weaver is a moron.  By all accounts, Tech fans are some of the most friendly, gracious, and knowledgeable fans in the country.  Just ask Pitt fans about how well they were treated last year.  We will no doubt show our hospitality again this week to our A&M visitors (we are, of course, prevented by law from being nice to all Miami fans and to LSU fans who tried to burn down Blacksburg).  We don’t need an outreach program to tell us how to behave.  This isn’t kindergarten, and we aren’t West Virginia.  Stop ruining all our fun. 

Now, on to stadium atmosphere.  This needs to be Georgia Tech BCA Bowl-esque.  If you’ve never cheered before, this is your big chance.  And if you are a big cheerer…this is what you’ve been practicing for.  A&M has freakishly organized cheers, and the 12^th Man makes Kyle Field one of the more difficult places to play.  The Aggies believe that Kyle Field is the loudest stadium in the country.  Folks, I say this with all the Hokie Respect I can muster, A&M is wrong.  I’ve been to both and Lane Stadium crushes Kyle Field.  It’s time to send a message to the Big XII: be afraid of Lane Stadium, be very afraid.

Major implications for both programs in this game.  A win for us would be a big momentum builder as we get ready for the conference schedule and justify our national ranking to the rest of the county and to ourselves.  For the Aggies and first year head coach Dennis Franchione (who left Alabama to take this job), a win means legitimacy now for a program that is sick and tired of not contending for the Big XII title.

The Aggies are 2-0 with less than impressive wins over Arkansas State and Utah.  It took a two-point conversation stop for A&M to beat the Utes last week, and Utah ran all over their young defense.  This is not your father’s Wrecking Crew defense, and it’s a good thing.  With Hurricane Isabel bearing down, we will have to run a lot.  The A&M defense is still good, but young.  We should have more success against them than we did last year.

Offensively, A&M is much improved.  The QB situation is unclear.  Athletic Reggie McNeal played the entire game last week, but veteran Dustin Long is also an option.  NcNeal is more versatile; Long is a better pocket passer.  A&M has lots of talent at wide receiver, but RB Courtney Lewis will be the key.  We lose when teams run successfully against us.  We must play a disciplined football game, keep our assignments, and make tackles on defense.  Stop the run and we can hold A&M to 10 points.

On offense, our game plan depends on the weather.  If it’s clear, and let’s face it you’re going to need your water wings for this one, we should use the pass to open up the run.  No team plays a 4-3 base against us anymore.  If A&M does, they are foolish.  Most teams will put 7 or 8 guys up front against us, and when they do, we need to throw, throw, throw.  This will open up the rushing game for Jones.  With bad weather likely, both teams will crowd the line of scrimmage to stop the run and force 3^rd and long.  This game is going to be an offensive line battle.  Kevin Jones is the key to victory.  Our offensive line guys must open up holes for him.  If Jones has a big game, we will win.  If he is unsuccessful, we are in trouble.  This will be a hard fought, smash mouth game in terrible weather.  The best-prepared, most disciplined team will win.

Beamer announced earlier this week that, at the request of the seniors, we will wear maroon jerseys and maroon pants for the A&M game – the first time we have moved away from the maroon jersey/white pants at home since the 1998 UVA game, which we lost 35-32, the worst come from behind loss in Tech history.  Great idea.  As another annoying Orange Effect is being organized, Beamer’s decision drives home an important point: WE ARE A MAROON TEAM!  There is nothing wrong with individual fans wearing orange, our secondary color, if they want, but we are a maroon team.  Va. Tech, maroon.  Syracuse, orange.  Write it down.  Any organized movement to wear orange must be stopped.  I can’t believe we have to get into this again.

Last season, at Texas A&M we all wore orange because Texas A&M is also a maroon team.  This is precisely why you have secondary colors….just in case.  But we are the home team now.  We can wear what ever the hell we want.  A&M should have thought about this when they decided to only have one color.  This is not our problem.  Do you know how embarrassing it is to have the away team force you to change colors?  Please do not succumb to the Curse of the Orange. 

Somebody was obviously not paying attention last year, so let’s review this once more.  During the `94 season the team began to alternate uniforms like most people change underwear, employing nearly all possible combinations of orange, maroon, and white jerseys.  Rumors swirled that an orange helmet was being designed.  Admittedly, the orange jerseys with white pants looked good, but the maroon jerseys and orange pants made us look like a USFL team.  Then came the fateful day, November 19, 1994.  Our beloved Hokies took the field at home against hated UVA dressed in all orange uniforms.  Orange jerseys, orange pants, even orange socks.  Numerous fans were rushed to Montgomery County Regional Hospital with retinal damage.  Those remaining suffered through a worse fate, the ensuing 42-23 humiliation.  As depression set in late in the second half, Fear Jaquays and I started rooting for UVA just to cheer us up.  That’s how bad it was.  Interception after interception.  It was like Grant Noel on speed.  The fans were not alone in their disdain for the all-orange jerseys.  Our fearless leader, Frank Beamer himself, banished them for all time.  Following the game and numerous times since, Beamer has stated that the all-orange uniforms were burned and will never return to Virginia Tech.  I wonder if this is why our color is burnt orange?  We lost our next game to Tennessee, a team known for its orange.  Two years later, we were defeated in the Orange Bowl.  Miami and UVA both wear orange, and since that fateful day, we are a less than impressive 4-4 against the Syracuse Orangemen.

So we will say it again….WE ARE A MAROON TEAM!!!!!!  Nothing wrong with fans who like to wear orange, sometimes I do, but any organized movement to turn Lane Stadium into a sea of Tang is obviously the work of Texas A&M sympathizers.  If there ever was a time to wear maroon it is at home against another maroon team, as if to say, “you will respect my authority!”  Our team doesn’t wear all orange; neither should the fans.  This is just an elaborate ploy to get you to buy an ugly T-shirt.  One you won’t even be able to wear because there is a goddamn hurricane coming!  The mixed orange, maroon, and white of Lane Stadium is great, which makes us think perhaps Jim Weaver is trying to change it.

I can't talk about this any more. 

ESPN.com is in town all week previewing the game, and ESPN may broadcast its Thursday night in-studio pregame and halftime show from inside Lane Stadium, natural disasters permitting.  Kickoff is set for 7:30, which means your tailgate should begin by 2.  2:30 if you are a senior citizen.  Beamer and Foster preach discipline and focus.  Whichever team can hold onto these intangible should win in the monsoon.

Virginia Agriculture and Mechanical College 21, Texas A&M 10.

I believe!