Don’t you just love a bowl game?  The travel, the camaraderie, the new hotels to get drunk and pass out in.  Kiss our two-year run of crappy bowls behind.  Goodbye Walnut Bowl.  Goodbye Insight Bowl.  We are back in good bowls.  Although in reality, we never really left.  The past ten seasons we’ve been to 3 Sugar Bowls, 1 Orange Bowl, 3 Gator Bowls and a partridge in a pear tree.  That’s a hell of a record and spells job security for FB.  Best thing about the Sugar Bowl….it’s not played in a baseball stadium. 

The 2004 Sugar Bowl is not for the weak.  First, it’s on January 3^rd which means five days of tailgating in New Orleans.  Folks, New Orleans is no joke.  There’s a reason UVA doesn’t get Sugar Bowl bids….there is no wine served on Bourbon Street.  Bring an extra liver and a season-tested tailgating strategy because New Orleans will challenge even the greatest partier.  Second, we are traveling into the heart of SEC country to play the undefeated SEC Champion Auburn Tigers.  Auburn is big, fast, mean, and very pissed off.  But if the Tigers won’t intimidate us.  No one intimidates us.  Not USC, not Miami, and not Auburn (at least until after kickoff).

Away games are something special.  Any idiot can watch their team play at home, but a real fan travels, and bowl games are the greatest away games of all.  This is why a playoff is no good.  Sure, it would solve the national championship problem and make Auburn a lot happier, but who cares?  It wouldn’t be as much fun as the bowls and college football is the only really fun sport left (except curling which will sweep the nation in 2006).  Speaking of sports, did you know hockey isn’t playing this season?  Who knew?  A bowl game is more than a game.  It’s an experience.  Check in on us throughout the week as we drunkenly blog our way through the Big Easy.

So, you’ve made the commitment.  Instead of contributing to your Roth IRA, you are going to the Sugar Bowl.  Congratulations, you are a diehard fan.  Traveling is all about choices.  The first choice you must make is fly or drive.  If you are driving, you are probably regretting that decision right now.  Who doesn’t love a 20 hour car ride?  Still the car delivers the greatest road trip experience.  Be very afraid, however, of Mississippi.  This place scares the hell out of even the toughest tailgater.  If you chose to fly, congratulations, you are sane.  We chose a route that would take us from Reagan Washington National Airport to Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport via George Herbert Walker Bush Houston Intercontinental Airport.  This naming of things is out of control.  It’s only a matter of time before Congress renames our baseball team the Washington Reagan Nationals.  Do you think Bush 41 was like, “hey, if Reagan gets a national airport, I want an intercontinental one?”

If flying, try these ideas for amusing yourself along the way.  (1) Convince your flight attendant to let you lead the plane in “LET’S GO!” “HOKIES!” over the intercom.  O’Connell pulled this off on our way to Texas A&M and it remains our defining moment.  (2) In the event that your flight is not going directly toward New Orleans (i.e. Houston, Newark, etc.), inform the pilot he is going the wrong way and suggest he ask for directions.  (3) Should you run into any Auburn fans in the airport inform them that the Miami flight is boarding at Gate 14.  Poor sportsmanship?  Yes.  But we checked with TBS and it’s pretty funny.  Go ahead, have yourself a giggle. 

Once you arrive, it is important to announce your presence with authority.  High five anyone you see, Tech fan or not, and give them a Go Hokies!  At home this will get you punched in the nose, but in New Orleans you’ll probably get beads for it.  Also, about the beads.  If you are very old or the mother of children, no flashing please.  Otherwise, boobs all around!  Upon checking into your hotel, get your bearings straight (i.e. which way to Bourbon Street).  You are most likely staying in the French Quarter (Vieux Carre).  North, south, east, and west are irrelevant in the Crescent City.  Learn how to speak like a local (which includes mumbling incoherently): uptown means upriver towards the Garden District and beyond; downtown means downriver extending through the French Quarter; lakeside means toward Lake Pontchartrain; riverside means….well, if you can’t figure that out maybe you should stay home.  There is a lot to New Orleans outside the French Quarter (great food, cool neighborhoods, and incredible music), but your drunkass will not likely see any of it.  However, if they start knowing your name at Razoo’s or the Cat’s Meow, you’ve stayed too long.

Bourbon Street is a relatively simply endeavor.  Step One: depart hotel.  Step Two: travel via foot to Bourbon Street.  Step Three: turn left or right.  Step Four: purchase Huge Ass Beer.  Step Five:  repeat steps three and four.  At some point, some one will give you a strand of beads.  This is a starter kit.  Beads make you invincible.  Please use your powers for good, not evil.

By January 3^rd, Bourbon Street will be a sea of football fans.  Auburn is going to bring a crapload of people – many more than we will – so represent.  Outnumbered there is only one thing to do, be loud.  If you can’t hear a gobble call or a GO HOKIES! then start one up.  It’s time to teach the SEC about Hokie football.  (We would say ACC football, but let’s face it, the ACC is embarrassing itself.  Fresno State?  Come on Wahoos, what the hell?  At least Fresno was the home team.  What would have happened if UVA had to wear their blue unis on a blue Astroturf field?  Actually, the camouflage may have helped them score touchdowns instead of being embarrassed by losing the Papa Smurf bowl to the third place team in the WAC).

Auburn is a great program that you have to respect, and they have had a great season.  They are 12-0 and ranked third.  They are 1-2-1 all time in the Sugar Bowl (won in 1985, lost in 1972 and 1990, and tied in 1989).  Auburn leads our series 2-1-1 with the last game being an Auburn 18-7 victory in Lane Stadium in 1978.  We love our football, but every real college fans pays homage to the SEC and SEC fans, since they were tailgating back when we were a military school.  Everywhere Auburn fans gather you will hear “Warrrrrrr Eagle!”  It’s a battle cry that dates to the Civil War Battle of the Wilderness in Virginia.  Respond with Warrrrrrrr HokieBird! and say, “we’ve been doing that for years; you guys are ripping us off.”  This is a complete lie, but it will infuriate their fans.  Then say, “I don’t know why you guys are so pissed about the Orange Bowl.  The SEC is a complete joke.”  Again, not true, but infuriating and fun for the whole family.  Isn’t Auburn your old girlfriend’s hair color?

Winning the battle of the fans is one thing.  Winning the game is another.  This is one hell of a good football team.  It will take all the skill and coaching we have.  Plus a little luck.  Auburn is well-balanced offensively.  Everyone likes to talk about their running game because they have two of the best backs in the country in Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown.  But most people overlook that Auburn uses it’s dominate running game to set up the opportunity to beat you throwing the ball,  QB Jason Campbell is the best in the SEC, and he throws well on the run.  His top receiving targets are Courtney Taylor and Devin Aromashodu.  Taylor is the big play guy and Aromashodu is a possession receiver who they look to in the red zone.  The key though to Auburn’s offense is their line.  It has been dominate all year and is why their running backs are so good.  Their line is anchored by Marcus McNeill who is 6’ 9” and 332 lbs.  The little guy on the line is 6’ 2” 281 lbs. Jeremy Ingle.  The O-line numbers: 6’9” 332 lbs., 6’3” 302 lbs., 6’2” 281 lbs., 6’3” 302 lbs., and 6’5” 316lbs.  Davis, JLew, Tapp, and Burchette will have their hands full.  No idea how they are supposed to stop the run and pressure Campbell.  This is not going to be fun.

Defensively, Auburn has the #4 defense in the country (ours is #3).  They play a 4-3 and are very disciplined.  During the regular season, Auburn gave up, count them, one rushing touchdown.  Their front seven is solid.  Their defensive backfield boasts two All-Americans: Carlos Rogers and Junior Rosegreen.  Rogers is the best DB in the nation.  The other DB is Montavis Pitts.  If his name sounds familiar it’s because he committed to Tech before he committed to Auburn.  What’s most upsetting is that their defense is actually better than their offense.  Are you getting concerned yet?  Good, because it gets worse.

They also have a solid punting and kicking game.  The bottom line: this team is freaking good.  They were really only challenged once by LSU who they beat at home 10-9.  They beat Tennessee in Knoxville and in the SEC Championship and they beat Georgia in Auburn, but they haven’t really had to go on the road for a difficult game (UT was playing terrible football at the time).  They have decided that home games are most important and will no longer play any out of conference away games (hence, the canceling of their series with VT).  Despite the 30,000 Tech fans expected in New Orleans, the other 45,000 will be Auburn fans, so the Sugar Bowl is a relatively friendly environ for them.

To beat this team, we have to be patient, commit no more than one turnover, and play on our head defensively.  The key to a Hokie victory is Frank Beamer.  If we are going to beat the Tigers we are going to have to out coach them.  That means no stupid ass fake punts and fake field goals like we tried in the 1999 Sugar Bowl.  And when we drive the length of the field on the opening series we kick the field goal.  We do not go for it on fourth down and fumble.  Beamer will have to have our guys ready to play the game of their lives.  If they go out with the swagger and confidence that we’ve had against Maryland, Virginia, and Miami, and can execute early, we are in good shape.  The longer we battle with Auburn, the more likely their superior talent takes over.  Offensively, this game belongs to Bryan Randall.  Auburn will likely oversell on the run knowing that stopping Mike Imoh and Cedric Humes is the key to beating us.  When they do this, Randall will have to find the open receivers.  And when he can’t do that, he will have to gain important yardage running the ball.  Designed runs with Randall should take pressure off Imoh and Humes.  In a game like this, you rely on your playmaker.  Put the ball in Randall’s hands, and let him win it.

Defensively, you have to feel bad for Bud Foster.  He has one of his best seasons ever and his reward is playing Auburn.  Auburn is most dangerous when they go play action because most teams over play the run.  We have to play our defense and hope it is good enough.  If we play as we did against Miami, we can stop this team.  But much less than that spells trouble.  The defensive keys are big plays by Jim Davis, disciplined play from Xavier Adibi and Vince Hall, and a big INT by Eric Green.  It’s Green’s last game; expect something special.

Speaking of special, it’s about time BeamerBall returned.  Our special teams play won the 1995 Sugar Bowl.  If we want a second gigantic Nokia cell phone for the Hokie Hall of Fame, we can’t give up a block and we need to score on special teams.  If we do that will be the difference.  Someone somewhere will have to come up with a huge play because we can’t beat this team straight up.

For those of you staying home, it’s 8:00 EST on ABC.  For those of you in the Big Easy, if your seats are in the upper sections (500-600), no need to hit the hotel gym.  You’ll get a Kilimanjaro-esque workout just getting to your seats.  The good news: no need to stick airplane bottles in your socks, pants, jackets, or boobs; the Superdome sells beer AND liquor.  And it’s a good thing because you will need a couple of roadies if you’re in the upper deck.  When the fireworks go off, do not be alarmed,  Like you, we don’t understand how you can have fireworks indoors without setting off the sprinkler system, but Jaquays assures us the situation is under control.  Tech will wear white, Auburn will wear blue.  You should wear maroon.  Kickoff is 7:00 local time.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Va. Tech 20, Auburn 14.

I believe.

H-O-K-I-E-S HOKIES!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Copyright 2004 by a snow penguin.  Yes, that’s right, a snow penguin.  While you boys and girls were receiving iPods, digital cameras, luggage, and new jeans for Christmas, Santa brought me a snow penguin.  A costume to dress my snowman up like a freaking penguin.  You’ve got to be kidding me.

All rights reserved.